”Where Did that Come From?”

Have you ever said something then said to yourself, “Where did that come from?”  It may have not been nice, it may have been in anger.  It may have not been considerate.  I hate to say that I have asked myself that question. Especially these last few years.  

For me, I needed to step back and see what was creating the words and thoughts that were being said.  When I feed my mind and heart with negativity, it reflects on what comes out.  There is so much of this in our culture.  I remember hearing a radio talk show host (A Doctor) talk about how our minds are like a recorder.  Everything we put into our minds is permanently there.  Yes, forever.  It may be in our subconscious, but it is always there.  So day after day, we put things in our minds that we shouldn’t.  Is it Covid hopelessness, violence, immorality, or division?   The phrase garbage in- garbage out comes to mind. 

When we read the paper or watch the news, it can get us in a bad mood.  Dan and I took a recent 10-day vacation.  I unplugged for the whole time.  No watching news or reading the paper.  I guess you could say, World War 3 could have started and I wouldn’t have known about it.  (That would be a good thing) But it was so refreshing.  I felt renewed health.  It could have been we were in the mountains, but it was wonderful. 

We can offset the negative by putting in the positive.  Positive shows, music, books, and people.  Take time to unplug yourself and see what that does.  

Reading God’s Word gives us hope!  Something hard to find in our society right now.  

Each day I have to make the decision on what goes in-hopefully a positive reflection on what comes out. 

God’s Word-Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do, flows from it.

The Perfect Dancer?

I think how funny it is- how quickly we are to point out the mistakes our dance partner makes.  But we think we look pretty amazing.  

I say this because I was there.  I could see all of the mistakes Dan was making while learning Ballroom dance.  It was easy for me to point them out and sometimes I would make sure he would know about them.  

That all changed when I watched a video recording of myself dancing with Dan.  You see, when we take a dance lesson, we sometimes record ourselves doing a step that was taught to us.  I was watching and said to myself, “ I look terrible.”  I could see all the mistakes I was making.  Right there in front of my eyes.  I gasped.  I thought to myself, just because it is easier to see his mistakes, don’t be critical.  We are both learning.  We will both make mistakes.  A little grace goes a long way. 

Encouragement goes a long way in dancing.  Encouragement goes a long way in your marriage. 

Video-tape yourself.  This will keep you humble.

God’s Word-Matthew 7: 3-5 NIV “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

100% Divorce Rate

Dan and I have had many couples for dinner over our 38 years of marriage.  It has been a big part of getting to know others better.  

One dinner sticks out to me on the power of our words.  One night, we had a couple over for dinner.  They were the parents of our daughter’s school friend.  

During our dinner together, the wife begins to speak very critical words over her husband.  He did nothing right.  She began to pick apart everything he did.  No kind words came out of her mouth.  Dan and I began to squirm in our seats.  It became very uncomfortable.  What do you say back to such venom?

It was not long after, the couple divorced.  

Then months later, we ran into the wife at our kids’ sporting event.  She could not believe why her husband would leave her.  She was crying and continued on with a very sorry story. 

We walked away thinking, we know exactly why he left. 

We have found that the divorce rate in marriage is 100% when hateful or critical words are spoken by a spouse.  Especially in front of others.   

We have yet to meet a couple that this was not the case. 

God’s Word-The Message. Proverbs 18:21

Word’s kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit- you choose. 

Waltz song for you!

Two broken hearts lonely looking houses
Where nobody lives
Two people each having so much pride inside
Neither side forgives

Angry words spoken in haste
Such a waste of two lives
Its my belief
Pride is the chief cause in the decline
In the number of husbands and wives

Be a Cheerleader

We all have good days and bad days.  When we have a bad day it affects our emotional well being. We can become stressed out.  

Dancing is a physical and mental activity.  Emotion plays a big factor in how well we dance.  When we are mentally tired it is hard to concentrate on the dance floor.  

One way to ruin the atmosphere is to criticize your dance partner either on the dance floor or in practice.  

When Dan and I began Ballroom, we had our challenges.  We stepped on each other’s toes.  We both were trying to learn new dance moves.  Frustration set in. Then add to the equation, a bad day.   I had to be careful of not being critical and to choose my words wisely.   To speak critically would destroy his desire to learn.   The dance would be over. 

We have to be patient.  We have to be positive and encouraging!  I need to be his cheerleader!  He will want to dance!!!

God’s Word-Proverbs 12:18 Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise. (The Message)

I Appreciate You!!

In ballroom dance, encouraging words go a long way to support the process of learning.  Do we appreciate each other through our words?  Complement each other, using words like:  great job, you’re looking good, I appreciate that you go dancing with me, thank you for that dance, I sure enjoy being with you, you’re really making progress, just to name a few.  

In marriage our words set the atmosphere.  Encouragement and appreciation for our spouse will definitely make the home happier!  For example, you could say, “thank you for your hard work today”, “I loved the dinner you  cooked for me”, or “you do a great job taking care of me!”

 I wish I would have practiced this earlier in our marriage. 

God’s Word-1 Peter 3:10

 Whoever wants to embrace life
    and see the day fill up with good,
Here’s what you do:
    Say nothing evil or hurtful; (The Message)