Don’t Go To Bed Angry

So we know that stepping on each other’s toes and making mistakes are part of ballroom dancing.  We also know this is a part of a marriage relationship. None of us are perfect, and sooner or later you will hurt your spouse.  Most likely on a daily basis.  

Mistakes=Learning=Progress

How do you react when your spouse makes a mistake?  Are you quick to forgive?  Or do you hold onto it, to try to hurt the other?  Do you let bitterness set in?  Do you go to bed angry?

 The longer we stew the longer it takes to heal.   God tells us not to let the sun go down with anger.  That means within 24 hours to make things right.  Praying with your spouse before you go to sleep will help with forgiving.  Have you ever tried to pray in anger? Ephesians 4:26-27

It has never been easy for me to say, I am sorry.” This has been a learning process for me, and practice has made it easier. I want to blame it on my stubborn German heritage. : )

Because we have a deeper emotional tie with our spouse, we can find it harder to forgive.  We are closer and most likely spend more time with our spouse.  Now that Dan works from home, we spend a lot more time together.  More time together=more time we offend each other.  Working with each other on imperfections will go a long way in a marriage. 

Questions to ask yourself?  How can I change, not how can my spouse change?  Are you perfect?

Couples that are still married have learned to forgive and move forward.   Unforgiveness keeps us in the past. 

God’s Word-Ephesians 4:26-27(NIV)

26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful

Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful.  It sounds like someone we would all like to meet.  They are perfect and say the perfect things that every husband and wife would want to hear from their spouse.  

Mr. Wonderful Sayings

  • Here you take the remote as long as I’m with you I don’t care what we watch.
  • You know, I think it’s really important that we talk about our relationship.
  • Let’s just cuddle tonight.
  • OOH, You look so beautiful in the morning
  • Hello darling, Have I told you I loved you lately?
  • Did you have a hard day honey? Why don’t you sit down and let me rub your feet. 
  • You’re going shopping by yourself? How about if I tag along and carry your bags.
  • Actually, I’m not sure which way to go…..I’ll turn in here and ask directions.
  • Yes Dear
  • You know honey, Why don’t you just relax and let me make dinner tonight. 
  • Why don’t we go to the mall? Didn’t you want some new shoes?
  • You’ve been in my mind all day, That’s why I bought you these flowers. 
  • The ball game really isn’t that important, I’d rather spend time with you.

Mrs. Wonderful Sayings

  • Don’t feel bad honey, I forgot it was our anniversary too! 
  • You don’t need a glass, just go ahead and drink right out of the carton. 
  •  Oh… you’re watching a ballgame. Just stay right there on the couch and I’ll whip up some snacks. –
  •  I’ll finish cleaning out the garage honey, your friends are waiting for you to play golf. 
  •  You’re going out with the boys tonight? You’ve worked hard… Enjoy yourself. 
  •  A new reversible drill, oh honey it’s just what I needed! 
  • Don’t worry about taking the trash out. I can use the exercise. 
  •  It really doesn’t matter if you leave the toilet seat up, it makes it easier to clean. 
  •  You’re right, we don’t need directions, maybe you’ll find a short cut.

Well, the truth about Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful is that they are not real.  They are plastic with a cheesy grin.  They need batteries to say the right things. : )

They know the perfect thing to say, but that is not the reality in marriage.  Because we are human, we all will say and do things we will need forgiveness for.  

The true Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful are those husbands and wives who accept and love each other regardless of their faults.  Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful extend grace and forgiveness because they know all people make mistakes.  

Are you Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful?

 Smile and Say, “ I forgive you. I love you.”

God’s Word-Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Steel-Toe Dance Shoes

# 2 Steel-Toe Dance Shoes

With Ballroom dancing, the more you practice with each other, the more you will step on each other’s toes. 

Dan and I have been teaching basic ballroom for over 12 years.  When we teach a new step we separate the gentlemen from the ladies.  Gentleman on one side of the room, ladies on the other.  Dan begins by teaching the guys their steps.  Then they repeat over and over again until it becomes more smooth.  Then Lori teaches the ladies part.  She shows the girls their steps and they practice over and over until smooth.  But at this time it is not dancing ballroom.  Ballroom is a lead and follow dance, with the husband and wife dancing together.  

So now the fun begins.  We put the gentlemen and ladies together and they try the steps they learned as an individual with their partners.  The learning process starts over again when they are putting each of their steps together as a couple. 

No one gets hurt or toes stepped on if they continue as individuals.  But when they try the movements as a couple, they start bumping into each other and step on each other’s toes.  They may even inflict a little unintentional pain on the other partner.  I always thought steel-toe dance shoes would be nice. : )

But if you want to continue dancing, there is no other way.  Stepping on each other’s toes and bumping into each other is part of learning to dance.

If we don’t extend grace and forgiveness to our dance partner the dance will be over.  

I have come to the conclusion that the couples I see on the dance floor have mastered grace and forgiveness.  

They will continue to dance. 

God’s Word-Matthew 6:14-15 NIV

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Compromise

Take Me Around the Dance Floor-Part 4

com·​pro·​mise | \ ˈkäm-prə-ˌmīz  \

Essential Meaning of compromise

 a change that makes something worse and that is not done for a good reason

Even God-loving people can get off track.   They begin doing something (sinful) that takes them in a direction they never intended to go.  

When we compromise what is right in God’s Word, even something small, it can become a very big thing.  If we can’t be trusted even with little then how can we be trusted with anything?  

I think of a bank robber.  He didn’t start stealing from banks right away.  He most likely stole something little.  He got away with it and then it only escalated from there.  He was dishonest.  

In our marriage, we can easily go in the wrong direction that we never in our wildest minds thought we would.  Trust, honesty, and staying in God’s Word will keep your marriage going in the right direction.

Compromise, even small, is deadly.  

God’s Word  

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 11 So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? Luke 16:10-11

2017

Trustworthy

Take Me Around the Dance Floor-Part Three

Trust is an important part of a marriage.  Without it, it most likely will fail.  

How do we build trust within a marriage?  We build trust over time with our life experiences and prove ourselves to be trustworthy.  Are we honest with each other?  Do we do what is right in the best interest of our marriage?  

Can you share with each other your fears, failures, and weaknesses and not feel they will be shared with others.  

If we have each other’s best interests in mind and love each other, we will do what is right.  So what is right?  We are blessed to have God’s Word to show us how to be trustworthy, right, pure and honest in our marriage. 

Are we trustworthy with our finances?  Are we trustworthy in what we watch on the television or the internet?  

A good question I ask myself is, “Would Dan be okay with the decision I am making? Am I being secretive? Would I be doing this if Dan was standing right next to me?” Maybe that’s why I don’t take him shopping with me. : 0

Trust is an important part of a marriage.  Without it, it most likely will fail.  

God’s Word

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and a good reputation. Proverbs 3: 3-4

Blindfolded

Take Me Around the Dance Floor-Part Two

One of the illustrations we like to use in our lesson, ‘Take Me around the Dance Floor’ is to blindfold the follower.  Yes, Dan takes a blindfold and wraps it around my eyes so I cannot see a thing.  It adds a whole new level to the lead and trust factor.  He likes to spin me around a few times, so I for sure don’t know where I am going.  Will I trust him?  Will he keep me safe?  I can’t see anything but I trust him as the leader.   We begin our dance together and I rely solely on his lead.  I follow him with the steps he leads.   It is a good exercise on trusting your leader.  

We then hand out a blindfold to the couples in our ballroom dance class.  We let the couples use this exercise to practice trust and leading on the dance floor.   

When you love, you will protect. On and off the dance floor. 

 I trust Dan as he takes me around the dance floor of life.

God’s Word

14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place Ephesians 6:14

Dance Conference-2013

Take Me Around the Dance Floor

Part One

When you Waltz, Fox Trot, or Tango, you must follow the line of dance.  As dancers, we move counterclockwise around the perimeter of the dance floor.  This keeps the dancers going in the same direction and moving smoothly.  `

Dan as the leader moves forward. He watches for traffic and guides me around any upcoming obstacles.  Sometimes it can be a very crowded dance floor and can be difficult to maneuver.  It can be a challenge even for experienced dancers.   This is one reason a leader and follower are offset in the dance frame.  The leader sees what lies ahead.  The leader trusts the follower to go with the patterns he leads.  

As a follower, I am mostly going backward.   I cannot see where I am going on the dance floor or what lies ahead.  I trust Dan to lead me in a way that is safe.  He leads dance patterns that fit in the space he is seeing ahead.  I don’t have to worry when I trust.   He cares about me and does not want to see me hurt by running into someone or something.

Take Me Around the Dance Floor

God’s Word

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Stop and Restart

As you ballroom dance together as a couple, you will make mistakes and get off beat of the music.  This is how we become better dancers.  It is how we learn.  Mistakes will happen no matter how long you have been dancing.   It is a given. When you get off track while dancing together, we have found that it is best to stop and restart.   It will get you both on the same beat and running smoothly again.  It gives you a moment to reevaluate the situation before you. 

We shared this principle with our ballroom dance class a few weeks ago. We have found most beginner dancers want to catch up with the beat of the music or fumble about.  Stop and restart your dance together. 

I was thinking, this is how our marriages tend to be.    As husband and wife, we get off beat together.  This is life.   No marriage is perfect, all make mistakes.  Do we take the time to stop and evaluate the situation? Do we become closer as a couple as we learn from our difficulties?  Or do we continue in a bumpy marriage? Do we just fumble about?

A New Year is a good time to step back, evaluate, and think about ways to make your marriage a smooth-looking dance. 

A time to stop and restart

God’s Word

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
—Isaiah 43:19 (ESV)

You Did It!

It has been one year since I began my blogging journey with Dance with Me Ministries.   I told myself that I would like to give it a one-year commitment.  I can now say, “I did it!”  52 blogs later, I accomplished what I set out to do.

With Covid-19 taking a big hit on our in-person relationships with dancing, the blog was an online way to keep encouraging married couples.  Hopefully, it was- mission accomplished for someone out there! 

For 12 years Dan and I have had in-person classes to share ways to keep your marriage close while teaching basic ballroom dance steps.  The dancing helps illustrate what a godly marriage looks like. 

 I can’t say this last year has been an easy blogging journey.  What accomplishments in life are easy?  Not many.  I wanted to quit, more than once. : (

A few bumps in my last year blogging road:

  • The death of my mom
  • My ability to write
  • Deadline pressures
  • Lack of readers
  • Discouragement
  • Learning to blog
  • Relying on others

 But we learn from doing and persevering:

  • Accomplishments take work
  • Don’t give up-press on
  • Never stop learning
  • Keep positive
  • Time management-don’t waste your time

I don’t know where I will go from here.  Will I continue?  Maybe, but I finished my commitment and I can now say, “ I did it.”

Thanks go out to my husband Dan, who proofread my blogs each week and is my sweet dance partner.  My biggest supporter of all my crazy ideas.  My daughter Audrey, who gave me the idea to blog and helped me get started.  My daughter Adrienne did the graphic designs for the blog.  Thank you so much, I couldn’t have done it without you. 

I dedicate this last year to my mom, Helen, who taught me so much.  Work hard, don’t give up, and keep the faith! 

It is Hard to be Thankful in America…

It is hard to be thankful in America… because we have so much.  We are so fortunate with what we have, we can easily take it for granted.  Most of us Americans live without need.  Covid gave everyone a scare.  What would we do without toilet paper?  Oh my!  Or food in the grocery store?  We all panicked thinking there might be a supply shortage of something we seem to not be able to live without.  

I am thinking of that first Thanksgiving and how the pilgrims did not know where their next meal was coming from.   They did not have a warm cozy house that regulated their heat.  They did not have assurance they would make it through the winter.  They did not have medicine to help with their sickness.  They did not have a recliner to sit in and watch their favorite football team.  They didn’t even have an Insta-pot to help make that first Thanksgiving meal. 

But yet they were thankful for what they had.  They thanked and prayed to the Creator, who they knew would help them make it to the next day.  They were thankful, because they now lived in a country where they had the freedom to worship. 

It is hard to be thankful in America… because we live in a very materialistic country.  Always wanting more.  Not being happy with what you have been blessed with.  I realized how much we Americans are bombarded with commercial ads each day to help us see all those things we are in want of.   I can’t even look up a recipe online without seeing 10 ads.  I realized after watching HGTV, that I was now in need of an Airfryer Toaster Oven.  “Where have you been all my life?”  With us Americans seeing at least 100 commercial ads a day, no wonder we want so much. 

It is hard to be thankful in America… because we want what everyone else has.  We compare ourselves to others.  We saturate ourselves with social media to remind us what we don’t have and how everyone else in the world does.  

It is hard to be thankful in America… because we have lost sight of our Creator.  Who or what are we thankful to?  Amazon?  Walmart?  Our local grocery store?  

It is only because of our Creator, our God in Heaven, and His given Son, that we live the next day.  He is in charge of the Heavens and the Earth. He gives us everything we need!!!

For that…  I am very thankful.

God’s Word-Psalm 107:21

“Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind.”