Taking it to the Next Level

Saying Good-bye

It is hard to say goodbye to someone or something that you love.  This is how I feel today writing this final blog post.  Here I am on my 206-blog post.  206 weeks of writing.  My inspiration of writing and starting a blog was to encourage marriages in the time of Covid.  We all were charting new territory.  We were in isolation.  We were in political unrest (we still are).  Dan and I could not teach our yearly ballroom marriage dance class. 

So, this began my writings.  I have to say it has not been easy.  I have wanted to quit many times. I am not a writer by trade.  It has taken me every Tuesday and Thursday morning to write.  Yes, for almost 4 years.  I have written what was on my heart, grammar flaws and all.  My heart was to encourage.  Maybe for me writing is a part of my healing of life’s curveballs that come my way.  

A marriage between a husband and a wife is a key foundation in building a strong family and a strong society.  Within the church, the divorce rate is the same as those not in the church.  This is not a positive comparison.  How can those numbers be changed?  Marriage is a lot of work. It will take continual dedication.  Dancing with your spouse on a regular basis will do wonders for your marriage. No compromises for what are good for your marriage.

Dan and I are also saying good-bye to our yearly dance ministry teaching.  We have been teaching for the last 14 years. Over 150 couples have been a part of our ministry. We are so thankful for each of you out there, the readers, dancers and those who have supported us.  Dan and I never imagined or planned teaching ballroom dance along with marriage ministry.  But I truly believe if we open our lives to what God has for us, He takes us every step of the way.  He takes our interests and desires and uses them to bless and encourage others.  We are waiting for the next adventure He has for us.  Thank you for your support!

Good-bye!

Taking it to the Next Level

The Dash

What will we be remembered for?  What is the dash between our birth and death all about?  This is our legacy. This is all the moments of our life.   According to the dictionary legacy is defined as the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life.

Dan and I enjoy doing genealogy.  We research and study our deceased relatives to find out more about our ancestry.  What happened in their lifetime?  How did they live?  What is their story? 

Understanding more about our ancestry maybe helps us to see a little more into our own lives.  Why are we the way we are?   What personality traits do we see in ourselves that we see in our relative of our past.  When you come across information it can be eye opening and moving. 

If all you have is the birth and death of someone and know nothing in between—the dash, it can be boring for sure.

Someday, not sure how soon, Dan and I will be a part of the legacy to those we have left behind.  Also, to those who are in our linage that is not even born yet.  What are they going to find out about us?  How will we be remembered?

Each and every day we have decisions to make.  Some are pretty routine and boring you could say.  But some decisions will make a long-life impact on how we are remembered. 

If I could write my own legacy, I would write it like this.  

Lori S. Bailey loved the Lord with all her heart and mind.  She never wavered in her faith to God.  Even when times were rough. She was thankful for all of His blessings.  She shared with others about His love for them.

Lori S. Bailey loved her family with all her heart. She honored her marriage vows to her husband, Dan. She adored her husband and honored him. She made time to be with her family. She did not let daily distractions keep her from loving and being in the present. She did not let life’s hurdles drag her down to the depths of despair.

Lori S. Bailey was hospitably to her friends.  She showed her friends the love of God in her life.  This was shown through the gifts that the Lord bestowed on her.  

I am hoping for many more days to continue the story of my legacy. Praying I can continue to make it one that those coming after me will say, “I am so proud of the legacy Lori S Bailey has left for us to remember.”

Taking it to the Next Level

Grow your Marriage

Keeping close in your marriage will take ongoing practice and action. Our marriages will need ongoing tune-ups. Comparing ballroom dancing with marriage, you can’t learn something and do nothing to take it to the next level. There are many great books, studies, and conferences that share God’s directions and tips for marriage. If as married couples we don’t put what we have learned into action, we will not grow in this skill. Not just once but continually. We need to have it be a part of our muscle memory. And being a partner in marriage, it will take both of us working hard together.

One way you can keep track of your progress is to make goals together.  Write them down and review your goals regularly.  Place your goals in a place you will see it often. 

Growing and nurturing your marriage is essential for long-term success, requiring effort and clear goals. Keeping God at the center and praying together fosters closeness. Dan and I pray for the continued growth and closeness of your marriage.

Taking it to the Next Level

Taking it to the Next Level

This begins the last chapter of our material that Dan and I have written for our dance ministry. Taking it to the next level: What does this look like for dancing and for our marriage?

When Dan and I began taking ballroom dance lessons, our teachers told us that if we go 3 weeks without practicing dance, we will forget what we have learned. It will become harder to continue with our dance skills if we don’t continually use them. At the time, I thought how short this was for forgetting what we learned, but now I know. You have to continually practice if you want to keep dancing. A commitment will need to be made, and that is not easy for one person, but for two, it makes it even harder.

I was thinking about our marriage ministry the other day, and I thought about how this is not like your typical marriage enrichment of reading a book, discussion, questions, and off to the next chapter. This takes something more: commitment, time, work, and learning a new skill that will take continual practice. I always wondered why we had such a low percentage of couples continue with learning ballroom dance. I thought, what if we were teaching how to play an instrument along with marriage ministry? It would be hard, and to have a couple do this together would seem impossible. Maybe dancing is a bit easier since you are in each other’s arms, but it takes dedication.

Dan and I set goals for our dancing. We continually practice every week. If we go a long time, it may not be starting all over, but the struggle to start up again could be enough for us to quit.

We want to continue dancing because it’s an activity that we can do together.  We put in the hard work and it’s so rewarding. We want to take our dancing to the next level.

Intimacy

Be Still

To be intimate, we need to be still and quiet. We need to listen to His voice. This is the intimacy that brings us closer to our spouse and to God. The still waters will restore our soul. Psalms 23 will conclude the chapter on intimacy.

Psalms 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.[a]
3     He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness[b]
    for his name’s sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c]
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
6 Surely[d] goodness and mercy[e] shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord
    forever.[g]

Intimacy

Draw Near

What does intimacy look like with our Creator?  Do we take the time to draw near to the One who wants to have that personal relationship with us?  Are we spending quite time with Him to get to draw near?  

All of our relationships that we have on this earth will benefit with Intimacy with God, our marriage, family and friends.  He wants for us to look to Him each day for guidance and wisdom.  He wants to know what is on our heart. It’s a time to talk with Him. He loves us and wants the best for us.  Because He created us, He know what we need.  It brings me peace to know this. 

For me personally, I have to think ahead to know how I am going to get that kind of intimacy with God.  It doesn’t just happen.  I like to start each of my days with time with Him.  It is my quite time.  That way I don’t get sidetracked and busy with my agenda.  Usually if I don’t take time with Him in the morning, it doesn’t happen.  

I start with a bible study, learning more and more about Him.  You get closer to someone the more you know them, same with God.  Presently, I am doing a study which takes you through the Bible in one year, chronologically. But to be honest, it will be longer than a year at my present rate, but it at least puts a goal for me.  Then I pray to Him, praise and thank Him for all He has done, ask Him for present needs for others. In your quietness in prayer, He will speak to you.  Give it a try.   Someone asked me recently if I do my Bible Study in my garden?  I would love to, but way too many distractions.  A bird will fly by and all of a sudden I have lost my train of thought.  A flower will catch my thought, and then off I go. I do love to praise and thank Him for his wondrous works as I adore His nature.  I have a wonderful seat, way back on our property to spend time praising Him. I see His amazing works.  I like to end my day with a recap of what I read that day in my Bible.  Sweet dreams for sure.

It will not be easy taking the time to be with Him each day, but the rewards are great. A way to be best friends!!!

God’s Word-James 4:8

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”

Intimacy

Modern Life

We live in a modern technology-based life.  Has it been a positive for the modern marriage?  How about a married couple’s sex life?  I saved a few newspaper/news articles and will highlight a few of the modern life trends, none will surprise you:

  • Social Media create loneliness with heavy users
  • We are more stressed and less rested
  • Spend more time on social media than with friends and family
  • For businesses, loneliness results in less engagement, less productivity and lower retention levels
  • Worries result in less sex
  • People that have tablets and smartphones in the bedroom-less sex
  • Online porn in replacement of sex

Modern doesn’t always mean better.  We think we are smarter, but are we? Having the intimacy and sex life that God intended for our marriage needs no modern-day trends.  Old fashion will keep us closer.

God’s Word-Hebrew 13:4

 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 

Intimacy

The Marriage Gauge

If there was a gauge on the health of your marriage, what would that be? I believe a gauge for the closeness and the health of your marriage would be a three-letter word called sex. If your marriage is struggling, so will your sex life. But if your marriage is thriving, the better your sex life will be.

Since this is almost the last chapter of ‘Dance with Me Ministries’ marriage teaching, I thought I would ask the closeness questions that go along with each chapter:

One: Are you moving together as one?

Two: Husbands are you leading with love and wives are you following with respect?

Three: Do you show kindness?

Four: Do you practice on growing your marriage?

Five: Do your words speak life or death?

Six: Do you guard your heart and mind?

Seven: Do you quickly forgive?

Eight: Are you in tune with God?

Nine: Do you compare yourself or spouse with others?

Ten: Do you regularly date? 

Eleven:  Are you healthy, body, mind and soul?

Twelve: Do you have positive friendships?

Thirteen: Do you pray together?

Fourteen: Do you keep life simple?

Keeping your marriage close will take time and effort.  It doesn’t just happen.  Ask yourselves these questions.  It can be a gauge that will let you know if your marriage and sex life is in the positive.  

God’s Word-1 Corinthians 7: 1-7

 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Intimacy

The Two Become One

What does it mean when the Bible says we become one in our marriage?  Is it the act of the ceremony alone?  Is it we live in the same house?

God has the perfect plan for a man and a woman to come together in marriage.  This was His plan for us.  He had our wellbeing in mind.  A commitment to each other was essential.  Closeness or intimacy plays a part. If we don’t have these we are not one in marriage.  

The ultimate closeness is sex between a husband and wife.  You don’t get any closer.  Our world and sinful nature have taken what God intended sex to be and made it into something dirty; something that is unfulfilling.  No commitment or intimacy, but just an act.  

The closer and more intimate we are with our spouse, the better the sex. When we keep it within the perimeter of our marriage, it will bring a closeness that can’t be matched. We will stay as one.

God’s Word

1 Corinthians 6:16-17(The Message) There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us lonelier than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” 

Intimacy

Keep a Secret

Intimacy Definition # 4-Private, secret, innermost

When you get married, there is a part of your marriage that is private. It is not to be shared with others. We don’t go around sharing with our friends about our spouse and any intimate details.

A good rule of thumb would be not to share anything about your spouse that they would not want to be shared if they were standing right there with you.

For me personally, I know things about Dan that no one else knows, and vice versa. Part of being close and intimate is knowing someone very deeply. Taking time day in and day out over many years to get to know them better. Dan and I have had 41 years to get to know each other better. With that, some information is meant to be between the two of us. No one else. We can share stories with each other that only we know.

It is really what makes your marriage unique and personal.

I am thankful for a husband who doesn’t share our secret innermost marriage details with others. Praising your spouse in public and with friends will go a long way in keeping your marriage close.