The Girl In The Mirror

Have you ever wanted a book to understand the inner life of your husband or your wife?  Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn interviewed and surveyed thousands of men and women to write their two books ‘For Women Only and For Men Only.‘  When we can better understand our husband or wife, our marriages can be happier. 

Dan and I led a book study on these two books as part of our dance ministry.  Following is an excerpt from the book, For Men Only.

The Girl In The Mirror Written by Jeff Feldhahn

 As I write this, our daughter is five years old and definitely at that ”Daddy’s girl” stage.  She can whack a pretty good line drive for her age.  But she’s happiest, I think, when she’s dancing for me in the consignment-store costume dress Shaunti bought for her last year.  It’s pink, and has a twirly skirt. 

Pink and twirly matters a lot when you’re five.  You should see her twirling around our living room.  She absolutely beams with delight.  Twirl left, pause.  Twirl right. 

“Daddy, watch!” she calls as she spins and the skirt does its thing.
Daddy, look at me!  “Do you think I’m pretty?” 

If you’ve ever had a little girl twirling around your house, you know what I’m thinking right then.  Lord, just let me hold on to this moment!  Please…don’t let my little girl grow up.  

That’s what this chapter is about.  Because you see, in a way little girls never really do.  

Would it surprise you to know that your gifted, hardworking, secure, grown-up wife is still (silently)asking the same question:  “Do you think I’m pretty?”  Only now it’s you watching.  It’s you she’s asking, and you who will decide her haunting question.  Not just “Am I beautiful?” But “Am I beautiful… to him?” 

In a culture where women are bombarded with expectations to lose weight, look younger, look sexy-actually, look perfect-that question has killer consequences.  But it also gives clued-in men an opportunity that we didn’t even know we had to affirm our wives in a very important way. 

In our survey most women told us they had a “deep need or desire” to know that their husband or boyfriend found them beautiful.  

Women need to be reassured often that they are beautiful and they are loved.

”Could I Have This Dance?”

It was a formal dance evening. I sat in my chair, waiting for the next song that Dan and I wanted to dance to.  A young University of Northern Iowa dance club student came over to our table and asked me if I would like to dance with him.  Most generally, I dance with Dan only, but his approach made it more appealing.  

He put out his hand and said it this way, “Would you please like to dance with me?”

So with Dan’s encouragement not to ruin this young man’s dance experience, I accepted his offer.  

He put out his arm and escorted me to the dance floor.  We introduced ourselves to each other, then did a ballroom dance together.  He led gently, not knowing my dance level.  Then as the dance ended he thanked me for dancing with him.  Again, he put his arm out and escorted me back to my chair.  I have to say, I felt special.  I was wondering what my husband was thinking.  

It didn’t take long to know what was rolling around inside his head. The next song, Dan put his hand out and said “Would you please like to dance with me?” He then escorted me out to the dance floor. Just like the young UNI dance student. 

You realize what a polite word can do to motivate.  A kind gesture.  A husband and wife treating each other special in a marriage or on the dance floor.  It works! 

Some might say it’s old fashioned.  But maybe old fashioned is just what a marriage needs.

God’s Word

Proverbs 21:21-Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and


The Man is the Frame and the Woman is the Picture

In Ballroom Dance there is a phrase, “The man is the frame, and the woman is the picture. “ The leader’s goal during the dance is to show her off, not to dominate over her on the dance floor!  In the lead and follow of the ballroom dance, the gentleman will lead in such a way that makes the girl look wonderful, not by domineering, but by cherishing his dance partner.  

The purpose of the frame:

  • Enhance the picture
  • Supports and holds the picture
  • Not to be a distraction from the picture.  If the eye goes to the frame it is the wrong frame.  They eye should go to the picture

Is this the picture of your marriage?  Husbands are you treating your wife as your queen?  Do you compliment her? Adore her? Make her look good?  Do you show her off?

God’s Word-Ephesians 5:25-28(The Message)  Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.